God, poetry, Uncategorized

Why Do I Even Bother with This Blog?

fountain-pen-on-paper

Writing has to be authentic to me. The topics I write about are usually the ones that burden my heart, that troubles my soul, or brings me unexpected joy. They always comes from a place of authenticity.

Lately, I’ve sat at my computer to write my blog post (2 months behind going on 3) and nothing comes. I won’t make up excuses because well, there are none. It’s not because I don’t have things to write about or that I’m in a dry spell for creative ways to write about a chapter in my book of life; nope, not one excuse. I promised myself I would write as God leads me. I have about three topics that I do want to blog about but my heart has not healed from those experiences. I think it would tarnish the lessons to be learned by prematurely writing about them. Most of my blogs have come from a place of healing and from testimony.

Someone asked me once “Why do you it? Why bother writing when no one reads or truly cares about your words?” And I thought,

“ Damn, we will never be friends.” (insert side eye)

But it nagged at me because after my first immediate  ” hater be gone” moment. I realized it was a valid question that I needed to answer for myself. So here they are in 4 parts.

  1. It’s an awesome way of developing my craft. Children’s books and novels are my ultimate goal. I will be a best seller, yup I said it. Hopefully it will happen while my eyes are open and not after I’ve died and my family discovers my treasure trove of writing and someone published them.
  1. It frees someone else. I never know when a blog will strike a chord with someone who needed to read the words in my blog to know they’ll be okay. (I mean come on, single mom, car repossessed, out of work for a year with a new born, living in a house with no heat and water…hello Hollywood should be at my door.) But I faced those challenges and I’m still here moving forward.
  2. I like to write. Sometimes with a dramatic flare, sometimes with serious sarcastic wit, sometimes I’m a blubbering mess as I write my BUT GOD testimony. No matter how it comes across to whoever reads it. For me it is pure joy.

Last one is long:

  1. And lastly I promised God that I would write away my fear of failure. Putting your life out for the world to read is scary as heck! Fearful of the critics, fearful of no one ever reading it, fearful of backlash from a topic I write about, fear from becoming known. and the list goes on. I promised I would write as God leads me and push away all manner of fear. I have so many ideas and dreams in my head and heart. But fear has ALWAYS made me slink away to the back.

When I was in the choir at church I remember one time they did seating arrangements and I was put in the front row. My heart pounded, my hands were sweaty and I DID NOT want to be seen. When we finished ministering that Saturday (yes Saturday, no, not Seven Day Adventist), A young lady came up to me after and said ” Your face was so calm and your worship was so pure it brought me joy.” I’ll never forget how it made me feel to know that me being uncomfortable and pushing through my fear of the spotlight was a blessing to someone else. So I decided writing away my fear was the way to go. To eradicate fear of jumping and going for the life God has for me.

Ultimately, I think this what my blog is for. To push me out of my fear into greatness, out of fear into testimony, out of fear into helper, and out of fear into fearless for all things of God.

So, yeah, that’s why I even bother with this blog. And if no one else ever hears of it or reads it, It’s one fear I pushed out of my way.

As always I love you for reading and thank you for sharing. Check out my “Daily Bedtime Thoughts on

IG:@phara_jo and Twitter @fafajo

Xoxo

Phara

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