There is a sense of pride that moms have. There is the one person for a while that gives you love unconditional; your children. Especially when they are younger. They only need the basics in life to make them feel loved. You on the other stress about all the” woulda, coulda, shoulda,” of the world. Constantly questioning “am I doing the best for my kids?” When they are young they can’t really communicate with you if you are doing a bad job they are just content to know they are fed clean and loved by you. My three year old sometimes drives me up a wall. He will call “mommy” at least 10 times in a two minutes span of time. I rarely use the bathroom alone anymore. Eating has become a sport of how fast can I swallow my food before he appears to either take it from me or interrupt me and I forget I was eating. I don’t think there is a parent who hasn’t felt this way. But, we sometimes feel burdened to meet every need of our children.
I say burden because there was a point when my son was born I felt a sense of joy and happiness but I also felt burdened. And I know there will be people calling me all sorts of names for feeling this way. Especially people who don’t have kids who like to give advice (love those kinds of people “rolling eyes”). Until you are a parent and can truthfully admit to the emotional struggles you face, have faced and will face you truly can not understand where I am coming from.
As a mom, I realize now at almost 32 I put a better part of my life on hold after having my son. I certainly thought all my dreams had to go down the drain because it would be selfish of me to pursue anything for myself when I have a little life that depends on me. I thought I was a bad mother for even dreaming. I would hear other mothers (mostly stay at home moms) talk about that’s all the reward they need. And I thought wow that’s great for them but I don’t feel like they do. Those thoughts always made me feel like a bad mother. That being a mom somehow meant turning off the dreams and goals I once had. That my only goal and purpose was to raise my son, go to work bring in the money to supply for him and don’t deviate from it period because his well-being depends on it.
Then I saw a video of Jada Pinkett-Smith talk about being a mom, a wife, and having a career. (See link below) After watching the video the floodgates opened for me. I realized I am doing a great disservice to my son. By not going for my dreams I unknowingly am teaching him not to follow his. Children learn by example when they are young. I can’t tell him to go pray but he never sees me pray. I can’t tell him to brush his teeth when he’s never seen me do it. I cried after watching the video. I cried because I became a shell of the person I once was. I let so many dreams and visions die when my son was born because well that’s what everyone said should happen. I can’t tell you how many times someone told me “well you know he comes first now you can’t think of yourself first anymore,” and that brought on the feeling of burden by having a child. And I felt awful absolutely awful that my little one was the cause of my dreams ending until I saw that video and realize just how wrong I have been.
Now, if for no other reason I am fighting for my dreams because of my son. I want to show him that things will happen in life but it doesn’t mean you should let go of your passion and dreams. We all have a calling on our lives. We all have a desire to be great because well, to be honest, God is greatness and he only creates great things. Contrary to what you may have been told, God does not make mistakes and every imperfection someone sees in you was placed by God for a purpose.
I am a mom and I have dreams. I have things I am passionate about. I have secrets wishes that only God knows because I once held them deep and dared not speak of them. For fear that people would call me a bad mother. Now I realize I’m already a bad mother for not looking out for me. You see my son will grow up go to college, get married and leave my house…then what? Do I wait till he is old enough to pursue my dream? Do I wait till he has moved on and I am old and gray? These are questions I had to ask myself and realize I was hurting not only me but him as well.
My mother came to America with hopes and dreams and somewhere along the line, she let them go. I sometimes look at my mom and wonder what dreams she let die because of life and kids and work. Where would her life be had she been a little selfish and said: “today I focus on Me for a while.”
I love my mother dearly and I realize I was turning into her in that aspect. I was going to have many incomplete dreams under my belt if I didn’t wake up.
So this mommy has dreams and this mommy is going to pursue them; not in a reckless manner but in a way that I will have accomplished something. Being a mom is an accomplishment when you have to raise a person who will co tribute to society. But when he leaves and goes on about his life what will I have that’s my own to hold on to. Mommies if you have dreams you haven’t gone after ask yourself why. There honestly isn’t a reason anymore. Technology and the internet have made it possible to fulfill just about any dream you have.
Whether it’s going back to school, change in a career, learning a new skill mommies of this generation and even generations past, it’s time you woke up your dreams. It’s time you took them out of the trash and dusted them off from the attics of your minds and hearts.
A mommy with dreams
By Phara Joseph
Dedicated to my mom and grandma. I only wish they fought a little hard for their dreams.
Update: January 5, 2017, I followed my dream on my 34th birthday and published my first children’s book “The Sky is Falling”. This is the first one many dreams that this mommy will chase down. So when the day come for my son who is now 5 to run and chase his dreams, he will have a blueprint in me. You are a mom and it’s perfectly okay to chase your dreams one step at a time.
Here is the link. This is from a production of Red Table Talks, published May 27, 2012.
I do not own any rights to this.
You may have to copy and paste to watch it. Enjoy and be enlightened.
Jada Pinkett-Smith – Take care of YOU, first: