I am forever in search of God, in search of his face, his love, his grace and his mercy. The bible says, God gives me all these things freely, but however, when you don’t know how to receive or accept it, you remain in search of it. Ever since I was little I always thought I had a weird bond and connection with God and seemed to be different and never quite fit in with my friends and family. I would go through periods where He and I talked often. I engaged and inquired of Him in my every thought and move, from parking spaces, to what to wear and what to say. I would play out these dramatic skits in my head. One that I always replay and sometimes dream about is the one when I am hurting or life is beaten down on me pretty hard. I close my eyes and imagine I am standing in front of God and He calls to me as a mother to a hurt child. Today I realized since I was a child I have been going in front of God in the spirit whenever life was too much for my eyes and heart. The God I have been in search of for so long; I have been in his presence, I have felt his hugs, I have felt his warmth, I have heard his voice but more importantly He knows of me and is concerned about me.
I always thought, I had to be so clean and pure and holy. That I could only imagine being in front of God. How many of you felt that way? That you were just too dirty, to unclean, too full of sin, too unworthy, too ashamed, too whatever to ever think YOU could possibly be in the presence of GOD. How dare I say or think such a thing, well that’s religions rational. I have been beaten with so much religion and false teaching that I never saw nor understood this special gift and bond I had been given. Church has made God so untouchable. You almost feel like unless you stood in front of the congregation and told them all your sins for them to pass judgment, you were not forgiven, you were not clean, you are not holy. Well have I got news to set you free from that bondage! Jesus reconciled us to God the day he died, went in the grave, went to hell, got up and returned to heaven on our behalf. 2 Corinthians 5:14-21 tells us we are reconciled because of Christ. That there is nothing we could have done or could ever do to change that fact. In the Old Testament prophets and chosen men /women of God (Yes women, don’t believe me read the book of Esther, many saw she went before a king, But because she prayed and fasted and held on to her faith, she was before God when she pleaded Israel’s case to King Xerxes) often had to go before The Lord for their people, there was a veil, this barrier between us and God, because were not reconciled to him. Well, thank you Jesus for the ultimate sacrifice. You see because of Jesus we can go before him in our shame, filth sin, and guilt).Jesus reconciled us, his blood made us clean and granted access to go before the throne, the veil removed and we are called as His because of it.
There is tenderness to that. To know you are loved just as you are; take that in for a moment. Yes, you are loved just as you are. No man on earth will ever love you like that. I spent so many years looking searching for validation from family and boyfriends that I lost sight of what real pure untainted love and mercy looks and feels like. It has been long time since I sang a song to God whole heartedly. And it was because I had gone back to seeking validation from others. I, in a manner of speaking had removed worship and praise from my walk with God, because I forgot how much he loved me and felt like a fool praying and praising. Was I ever wrong? God says I’m valid therefore I am. I don’t know your story, or where you are right now. But I feel it strongly to tell you, YOU are valid to God. You are loved by God. If you have to say it every day, like I had to in order to believe but more importantly receive it. What good is a gift given if you don’t receive it and open it? Anchor yourself in God’s love (Hebrews 6:19). There are so many sources available to share God’s word with you because he wants you to know and receive the gift of reconciliation. Whatever troubles you are in please know it is not Gods will for you to struggle and be in pain. If that were the case then the shedding of the blood of Jesus was for nothing. Go to Jesus invite him to wash you, clean you and he will forever intercede on your behalf. In the book Luke Jesus tells Simon, “Satan desires to sift you as wheat.” And like Simon Satan desires to wipe us out by getting us to believe we have done too much wrong to ever go back to God. But when you read Luke 22:29-32 the answer is clear. Jesus is our intercessor he has gone on our behalf to ensure that Satan does not win; but that we run to Jesus and take up our place in the kingdom of God, there is a place prepared just for you John 14:2-3. God is love and God loves you never forget it and never let it go. I invite you to let Jesus into your heart, let him saturate your soul and bring you a life brand new.
I pray that these words make a change in you and cancel any bad thoughts you have about yourself. I pray you wake up everyday knowing no matter what God loves you and is always for you. Just let him in. You are loved and you are valid to God.
Be Blessed always,